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The Emmanuel Research Review is a publication of the Emmanuel Gospel Center, and features articles, papers, resources, and information that we believe are helpful and relevant to urban pastors, leaders, and community members in their efforts to serve their communities effectively. |
Introduced by Brian Corcoran
Research Associate, Emmanuel
Gospel Center
Managing Editor, Emmanuel Research Review
In this issue of the Emmanuel Research Review, Thomas Idiculla, Ph.D., and Leslie Verghese, LCSW share the results of a recent study on Emerging Trends in Marriage in the Indian Christian Community within the broader context of marriage trends in the United States. "Amidst this chaotic environment, Indian Christians in North America have been facing some unprecedented challenges in balancing the contemporary trends, traditions held on to for many years, and their deep rooted Christian faith," they report. And while the study focuses on the Indian Christian Community, it identifies issues common to many others in the church and society, while offering practical data and recommendations that inform, inspire, and strengthen marriages according to God's design.
Be sure to check out additional resources at the end of the article for futher study. As always, we welcome your feedback!
SURVEY TEAM:
Thomas Idiculla, Ph.D. – Director, Mental Heath Services and Evaluation Dept, McLean Hospital, Boston, MA; Founder and President of Agape Partners International, Boston, MA.
Leslie Verghese, MSW, LCSW – Director, Lifespire Clinic Services, New York; Executive Director, Agape Partners International, Boston, MA
Ancy Paulose, MSW, LCSW – Certified School Social Worker, Lindenhurst, New York
Cecil Mathew, MBA – Senior Church Management Consultant, Long Island, New York; Youth Pastor, First Church of God, Elmont, New York
Marriage is one of the most respected and significant institutions, especially in the Indian culture. Marriage is very popular in the Indian Christian community and in fact, most Indians will marry at some point of their life. However, despite the fact that Indians value marriage and desire to have happy marriages, there are some troubling trends that without doubt should alarm us. One such trend is the increasing number of separations and divorces.
In conjunction with Agape Partners International (API), whose mission is to strengthen the institution of marriage by providing churches and communities with invaluable insights into a variety of issues that affect marriage, the authors of this report are pleased to present the findings of a national survey on marriage among Indian Christians in North America. This preliminary report provides the attitudes of Indian Christians towards the institution of marriage based on a survey sample of 600 Indian Christians age 16 and older conducted in early 2007. This timely and important data will serve to inform pastors, youth leaders, and counselors as they grapple with these issues and devise strategies to strengthen the institution of marriage in our community. The authors are confident that some of the data will surprise the readers but hope that it will inspire them to continue to find biblical principles and proven and practical methods to strengthen the divine institution of marriage so that the community can grow in secure, stable homes with the love and support that they so desperately need.
Emerging Marriage Trends
In the past two centuries, the world has seen an unprecedented scientific, financial, and intellectual growth which has come with a heavy price tag. It has crossed cultural and ethnic boundaries in its course. Until the beginning of the 20th century societies believed in a “Biblical morality,” which meant that there is such a thing as right and wrong and people knew why. For the next fifty years societies moved to a state of “abiblical morality.” Societies knew there were such things that were right and wrong but did not know why. The 60s and 70s saw the influx of immorality where, even though people knew that certain things were right and wrong, they did not care. Since then, both developed and developing societies have been under the influence of a state of “amorality” or “relative morality,” which simply means that there is no such thing as right or wrong. Over the past fifty plus years, the number of single-parent households has skyrocketed to one-third of all U.S. families. The traditional American family structure appears to be crumbling. Furthermore, the world has seen six major trends emerging in the past fifty years that have crossed ethnic and cultural boundaries. They are:
Changing Views on Marriage
The above factors have in one way or another influenced the younger generation, who are completely exposed to them in society. It is in this context that the three views of marriage—traditional, modern, and Biblical—have affected emerging trends among Indian Christians.
The traditional view has always followed the “arranged marriage” system where marriage is more of a contract between two families. Husband and wife have clearly identified and delineated responsibilities which are seldom complementary in nature. The wife is viewed as the homemaker. Extended family is heavily influential in steering the course of the marriage, especially with specific reference to the interference of in-laws.
The modern view, also the most common form of marriage in contemporary times, sees marriage as a contract between two individuals who believe in the individuality of the partners and practices, or professes equality. These marriages are either arranged by individuals themselves or assisted by friends or marriage bureaus. Longings for companionship, infatuation, and sexual passion are commonly identified launching pads for modern-day marriages, which have a high rate of divorce.
The Biblical view of marriage is an exclusive, heterosexual, covenant (agreement), between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God, preceded by a public leaving of parents, consummated in sexual union, and often blessed with the gift of children. It is a God-centered, covenant relationship, which is for procreation and companionship.
In an environment where the Biblical view is being fast-diluted by the modern view, the following factors have emerged as primary reasons for broken families: broken promises, extramarital affairs, dissatisfaction, anxiety, depression, verbal and physical spousal abuse, child abuse, lack of trust, paranoid thoughts, and separation.
Amidst this chaotic environment, Indian Christians in North America have been facing some unprecedented challenges in balancing contemporary trends, traditions held on to for many years, and their deep-rooted Christian faith. In the frenzy to maintain a balance, the truth that an institution such as marriage is God-ordained has been forgotten in many cases. Oftentimes, it has come to the attention of church leadership that a lot of ambiguities exist among the younger generation about the biblical basis for marriage. This prompted the authors to set up an open survey to get opinions on certain crucial issues that are otherwise not discussed openly. The goal of this report is to show that marriage was instituted by God at creation, for all of humankind, and that it is to be a pledge between a man and a woman to love and to cherish until they are separated by death. A community of believers in Christ needs to recapture the essence of what marriage is, and then do everything to support and uphold Christian marriage as a reflection of what life is meant to be in the kingdom of God. The future of the Indian Christian community and Church rests upon the health of the institution of marriage.
Marriage Survey Findings
The survey questionnaire was developed by the authors based on a thorough review of a variety of authentic marriage literature and several years of experience working with Indian families. The authors sought to establish the reliability and validity of the questionnaire by first using a church group of twenty respondents, then using another focus group constituted by a group of individuals who were not part of the original church group. The data was collected using a web-based questionnaire that was linked to popular Indian Christian websites and the Agape Partners International contact list. Many youth leaders were instrumental in the planning and implementation phase of this survey. The preliminary survey sample consists of 600 respondents who are 64% male, between 15 to 65 years old (mean age is 36 years old), 58% married, 32% unmarried, and 8% separated/divorced. The survey measures the attitude of Indian Christians on arranged marriage, courtship, dating, cohabitation, homosexuality, and divorce. Some of the questions in the questionnaire include:
Survey Findings
Figure 1 shows that 73% of the respondents had biblical and positive reasons for getting married (building a family, companionship, and obeying God). 6% had different or non-biblical reasons. The trend is highly positive. It can therefore be inferred that the community has not lost the fundamentals of marriage.
Figure 2 indicates that the preferred method for finding a partner for one-third (35%) of the respondents is “chosen by self” (modern view), followed by arranged by parents (34%), a combination of chosen by self and approved by parents (24%), and arranged by others including friends (7%). Further analysis by adjusting the compiled data for age groups shows that the preferred method for marriage among the youths is a more joint/biblical approach, including self, parents and other “significant” people in a godly way. The open-ended responses by most of the younger respondents also support this positive trend.
Figure 3 indicates that 54% reported sometimes, 30% usually, 8% always and 8% never to the question of how much parental involvement in family life was desirable. It is interesting to note that the community for a vast majority still feels that parental involvement in family life is welcome to at least a limited extent.
Figure 4 shows that 28% of the respondents would contact their parents if they have a problem in their marriage, followed by friends (23%), pastor (13%), none (8%), professional counselor (5%), and other (22%). The lack of confidence that the younger generation has in their pastors, who for a long time handled the role of the bon-a-fide counselor, is a discouraging yet thought-provoking negative trend. Also, note the 23% that stated “friend” and the 22% that stated “other,” including God. This makes one wonder how much importance is being put on prayer for families to be able to stay together.
Figure 5 shows respondents’ views on factors of successful marriage. The highest were commitment, honesty, respect, and trust (99%), followed by family prayer and communication (98%), and submission (95%). Even though 98% feel that prayer is an integral factor for marital stability, the previous graph shows that only 22% used it in a practical way when they were faced with problems. From a theoretical perspective, the Indian Christian Community is fully inline with Biblical principles. However, these successive graphs show that theoretical knowledge does not always translate to practical application.
Figure 6 shows that the leading factors of marital instability are selfish behavior/lack of self control/unsettled issues/unforgiving nature (73%), followed by sex outside marriage or sexual frustrations/sexual temptation/extra-marital relationships (67%); unrealistic expectations (65%); pornography, gambling and other addictions (60%); alcohol and substance abuse (59%); interference from in-laws (56%); financial conflicts (54%); and workaholism/over involvement (50%). It is disconcerting to note that 67% think that a major reason for marital instability in the community is related to sex outside of marriage. It is also interesting to note that 56% of respondents still feel that interference from in-laws is another major factor of marital instability.
Figure 7 depicts the most essential elements of this survey, as it gives a vivid picture of the attitudes of the younger generation. Validating the earlier findings, this graph also identifies the major fundamental practical commitments of a Christian, especially in relation to purity in thoughts and actions being viewed as valid even in a liberal society such as that of North America. The trends are positive in terms of formulating practical recommendations for healthier marriages in the future.
Recommendations
The survey findings provide factual information around issues related to finding a partner, and factors affecting marriage instability and divorce. This survey also identifies the most important factors that sustain the marriages among Indian Christians. Perhaps the most compelling finding from these data is that the overwhelming majority of Indian Christians highly value marriage as an essential institution, and believe that any effort to strengthen this noble and God-ordained institution is to be encouraged. These findings will help remove some of the ambiguities about marriage, especially among the Indian Christians in North America. These findings have far-reaching implications for developing and nurturing appropriate parenting skills, healthy marriage practices, Christian counseling, and programs for marriage education to Indian Christians that support biblical marriage. Keeping the biblical principle of love and mutual submission, it is possible to have a long-lasting healthy marriage in contemporary times and delineate ways to help teenagers and young adults develop positive expectations for their current and future relationships and family life. The great task that lies ahead for Christian leadership is to utilize these findings to develop new and helpful ways to strengthen marriages and families. It is the sincere hope of the authors that the community will make an earnest effort to open its eyes to the need of the hour in identifying and developing ways and means of sustaining and promoting godly values in the implementation of the divine institution of marriage.
Remember, marriage matters a lot to God and to a man and woman. If Christians can strike a balance between the traditional and biblical views of marriage, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:
Agape Partners International, PO Box 550141, Waltham, MA 02455-0141, tidiculla@agapepartners.org, Phone: 781-223-0082
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THOMAS IDICULLA, PH.D. is the founder and President of Agape Partners International, Boston, MA and the Director of Mental Health Services Evaluation Department at McLean Hospital, one of the largest psychiatric hospitals of Harvard Medical School in Boston.
Dr. Idiculla has also served on the Board of Directors for various Christian organizations, including Sunday Schools of North American Keralites (SSNAK) in Dallas, TX, and Abundant Life Counseling Center in Boston, MA. He is the editor of Strangers in a Foreign Land, a book that looks at the Indian Pentecostal Community in the United States, and has spoken at conferences and youth/family and Sunday school teacher seminars in the United States, United Kingdom, United Arab Emirates, and India. As a Clinician and Researcher, he understands well the challenging issues facing adolescents, couples, and parents, and knows that a balanced life is possible only if it is based on the word of God. Recently, he started an outreach ministry in Nashua, New Hampshire, focusing on the South Asian Population, completed a mission trip to the United Arab Emirates and India, and is involved in providing missionary support in Gujarat, India. Read more about this on p. 96-97 of the New England's Book of Acts and in the missions report on Agape Partners International website.
Dr. Idiculla and his wife, Suja, are the parents of four children, Miriam, Stephen, Jeremy and Aaron. He can be contacted by email at tidiculla@agapepartners.org, by phone at 781-223-0082, and on the web at www.agapepartners.org and www.indiagospel.net.
REV. LESLIE VERGHESE, MSW, LCSW is the Executive Director of Agape Partners International and the Director of Lifespire Clinic Services, a premier Social Service and Rehabilitation agency in New York.
Rev. Verghese is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in New York. Born in Kerala, he received his B.Sc. from Allahabad Agricultural University and M.S.W. from Shivaji University. While studying for his B. Sc., Leslie committed his life to the Lord and obeyed Him in water baptism. Since immigrating to the U.S. in 1994, he has been involved in ministry in various capacities, such as serving as the President of the Pentecostal Youth Fellowship of America (PYFA), the largest Christian Youth Organization of people of Indian origin in the U.S. Currently he serves as a Board member of the Sunday Schools of North American Keralites (SSNAK) and is a Editorial Board member of “Vachana Poshini.” He is also a minister at the First Church of God in Elmont, NY. Leslie is also involved in various other ministries, including preaching, conducting seminars, writing articles in periodicals, and translating messages for conventions.
Leslie and his wife Jessy are the parents of two children: Japhia and Joshua. He can be contacted at lverghese@agapepartners.org or by phone at 718-454-3584.
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Agape Partners International (API)
Asian Indian Counseling Resources, Indian Mission Outreach. Located in Waltham, MA.
Barna Group
New Marriage and Divorce Statistics released
Crossroads Counseling Ministries, Inc.
Through professional counseling services, skills development seminars, and consulting, CCMI seeks to strength the Christian community in their individual, family, and corporate lives. Located in Silver Spring, Maryland.
Four Spiritual Laws
Explains God's plan of salvation in Bengali, Gujarathi, Hindi, Punjabi, Malayalam, and Assamese.Indian Gospel Network
Provides various online Christian resources for the Indian Christian community. We also provide a directory of Indian Churches/Bible Colleges/Mission Agencies, Christian publications, Christian conferences, seminars, etc.Nava Jeevan
Campus Crusade for Christ’s outreach ministry to South Asians in the United States.New England’s Book of Acts
‘The South Asian Christian Community in Greater Boston,” Section Two: 92-96.Parivar International
Family Counseling Resource for Asian Indians. Located in Chicago, IL.Strangers in a Foreign Land
Takes an honest look at various issues within the Indian Pentecostal community in the United States. An unvarnished evaluation of the past, present, and future of the community, different perspectives from a number of authors, writings on a wide variety of topics, and practical recommendations.
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